The Marriage Trap, Part 2

Recently members of the secular community here in Oklahoma, many of them our leaders, have been reminding us that they are ordained in the state, authorized to perform marriages as an ordained “minister” under Oklahoma law, and are willing to do so for non-believers. They, along with several churches and religious leaders, have been doing this in response to recent legislation and made it clear that they will perform marriage ceremonies for atheists in order to allow us the opportunity to comply with this bill.

I have three words for my leadership:




As I’ve mentioned before, a bill establishing new restrictions on how marriages are licensed in Oklahoma has been introduced in the Oklahoma Legislature. In its original form HB 1125 by Rep. Todd Russ gave the authority to issue marriage licenses exclusively to ordained pastors, ministers, and other religious authority figures. But while the fact that the bill was subsequently amended to once again add judges to the list of folks allowed to issue marriage licenses, along with reports that the bill is unlikely to pass the Senate, are positive signs that marriage won’t be restricted to the religious any time soon in Oklahoma, these reminders that there are secular officiants out there willing to perform pseudo-religious ceremonies for non-believers are not helpful in the fight against this abhorrent legislation. 


The State has no compelling public policy reason to limit marriage licenses to those undergoing religious ceremonies or that said marriages must be sanctioned by real or pretend religious leaders, and leaders in the secular community shouldn’t be giving tacit approval to this effort by announcing they are “ordained”. The impulse here is, I assume, to let us all know that non-believers can avoid this blatantly unconstitutional action by the State by participating in a quasi-religious ceremony officiated by a phony religious leader. But that’s the wrong impulse. Our leadership should be calling this action out for what it is: an egregious breach of the wall of separation between Church and State.


Look, I understand that there are lots of folks out there who’ve left their faith but want to keep the ceremonies, rites and events that came with that faith. There are others who like big parties or want the traditional ceremony without the religious talk. I think it is marvelous that there are people willing to perform those ceremonies, and I’ve recommended several of them to friends who want this service. My best friend is ordained to perform marriage ceremonies (and an atheist), and my own husband is halfway to being ordained as a Dudist Priest. It’s all wonderful so long as participation in such activity is a choice.

But the State is attempting to take away that choice. Making it easier for the State to do this and trying to divert the damage this legislation does by offering these services to the community should not be the actions of our leadership. I know people have their heart in the right place here; I believe they are trying to mitigate an ugly action by being positive. But seriously, stop. Just stop. 

I know we can all just go through the motions, pretending to uphold the spirit of the law while patting ourselves on the back about how we’ve fooled the powers that be and faked our way through their illegal requirements. But its phony, and nobody should be forced to fake their way through the most important and life-changing decision they will ever make. They certainly shouldn’t be forced to do so by the State.


Our leadership should be representing the best interests of the community, and in this case they’ve failed. They should be standing up to make it harder for the State to implement violations of the Constitution, not easier. Start fighting for the rights of the people to be free from government imposition of religious ceremonies in order to access civil rights and privileges. It’s what a leader would do.

EDIT:  It occurs to me that as a co-organizer of the Lawton Area Secular Society I should include myself in this failure. I did write a personal blog post about this legislation at the time it was introduced, but LASS should have issued a statement on it as well. That is my failure and I’ll own it. 


P.S. This bill was originally intended to prevent same-sex marriage equality by putting marriage exclusively in the hands of the Church. I guess the authors didn’t realize there are literally dozens and dozens of ministers in the state more than willing to perform marriages and issue marriage licenses for homosexual couples. If this bill passes it will actually have exactly the opposite outcome than the original intent. Legislating is hard when you only see the world from one viewpoint, isn’t it?

Do you, State, take this Church…

The latest session of the Oklahoma State Legislature will be banging it’s opening gavel on Feb 2, so it’s time to play “The Crazy Things That Have Been Introduced In The Oklahoma State Legislature!” again. I can’t believe it’s only been a year since we last played this game, time flies by so fast!

Our friend Damion over at Skeptic Ink has written a beautiful rundown of the trio of bad legislation Sally Kern has introduced. Unfortunately for all of us, one blog post is not nearly enough to cover all the amazingly dumb and offensive legislation typically introduced every year, so I thought I’d bring us all up to date on another winner.

My entry for the game comes from Representative Todd Russ. Representing Cordell as a Republican (and Assemblies of God minister, natch), Russ has blessed our great state by introducing HB 1125. This legislation makes churches the only source for marriage licenses and requiring church approval before someone can get legally married. For you sinners out there, you get to file something called an “affidavit of common law marriage”. Sexy, right?

According to an article by the Daily Oklahoman, Rep. Russ claims:

…House Bill 1125 an example of “conscience legislation,” meant to allow people to exercise their religious values in good conscience.

It seems he thinks this legislation is necessary to protect clergy from being forced (by that evil institution THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT) into performing marriage ceremonies for couples who don’t qualify as married people in their particular flavor of religious faith. (Which is totally happens, guys. Really. I mean, you can’t swing a cat in this state without hitting a preacher who was forced by G-Men to consecrate marriages involving non-maiden women, divorcees, non-tithers, heathens and demons.)

Well, actually the truth is  you can’t swing a cat in this state without hitting a preacher, but I don’t know how many of them have been persecuted by THE MAN into bastardizing their sacred rituals. Rep. Russ seems to think it’s a problem, and he’s a preacher, so I’ll assume it’s happened. Bunches.

But here’s the thing: common-law marriages are extremely legally tenuous. Most states (including Oklahoma) don’t officially, legally recognize them. There have been some court cases upholding the concept (those meddling courts are at it again folks!), but there are few to no codified legal protections for couples without marriage licenses, and any protections you may get only come from lengthy and costly court proceedings rather than the pretty easy process of presenting a VALID MARRIAGE LICENSE to the official, weather that official is the IRS, your insurance company, probate court, hospitals, prisons, etc. where proving you’re married to someone is necessary.

Also, the Oklahoma marriage license is kinda pretty. I’d hate to see it disappear.

It seems Rep. Russ wants to use Oklahoma law to make being married tons harder for folks who aren’t good, church-going, tithe-paying, choir-singing, gay-stoning, pork-avoiding citizens. No matter how you look at it this seems like a violation of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, which holds that every citizen has the right to equal protection under the law. Even non-church going citizens. Even citizens who (gasp) don’t believe in gods! Since marriage confers approximately 1,400 legal rights, not to mention is totally awesome, denying those rights (or making them harder to access) based on religious preference is probably unconstitutional. And it’s just kind of a dick move, to be honest.

I guess I’ll never understand this rush to embrace the olden days; when the Church and the State were so entangled that to be a non-believer was akin to treason; when the Church decided who could be married and who couldn’t and the State enforced those decisions; when citizens were forced by the State to financially support the Church, even if they didn’t belong to it. Damion referenced the American Civil war in his break-down, but I think my war was about a century earlier than that. My great war was the war that freed the American people from the yoke of Church dominance and set us on the path to be the first great secular nation. To go back now seems downright un-American.

Debate This!

The first debate is over, and I did watch it. Or mostly listened to it, to be completely honest. Now, I understand the general concensus is that my man Barry lost; that he was dull, never made a point, missed chances at zingers, generally just sucked. Yeah, probably true. Would I have been happier if he had called Romney out for lying, just once? Of course. Do I think it’s a big deal? Nope.

First of all, I think he was justified in being distracted last night. Turkey and Syria were lobbing missles at each other, and I imagine he got that news sometime yesterday before the debate. I hope he had that on his mind the entire debate. He is the commander in chief after all. It’s kinda his job.

But who cares? Let Mittens have this one, what difference does it make? I doesn’t matter if he repeats the word “crushed” a million times (that could have been my drinking game cue, I should’ve seen that one coming), pretend to understand all those middle class citizens making $200,000 a year (Whaaat?) and their tuna casserole, all the time rolling up his sleeves so we think he’s finally serious about jobs, he’s still wrong. Let me say that again, Mitt … Romney … is … wrong. It’s that simple. He’s a trickle-down, free-market sychophant who keeps trying to sell the same snake-oil that started this whole mess 30 years ago. Why would I buy that crap knowing full well what it’s done to this country all ready? In the immortal words of Dubya, we “won’t get fooled again”. Or at least I hope not.

The Few, The Proud, The 53%

I will never understand why we accept such miserable working conditions without complaint. Working more than 40 hours makes you shit for a spouse or parent. How can you possibly have any kind of personal life under those conditions? There is no time to help your kids with their homework, cook a meal for your wife, clean the garage, hell, even have a conversation, with your family. Can you really say you are a good parent when you aren’t home enough to even know who their best friend is? Or you are a good wife when you  haven’t had a conversation that didn’t involve a schedule conflict or an argument about money? Current working conditions is the biggest threat against the “traditional family” existing today, and if you don’t notice that, you just ain’t paying attention.

Working more than 40 hours a week not only hurts your family, it also gives us no time to invest in our communities and country. Where is the time and resources for us to get involved in PTA, City Council, mentoring troubled kids, investigating our elected officials, continuing our education, or just simply being involved in our country or even our own lives? You want to know why our kids run wild in the streets and our elected officials ignore our needs? It’s because we are too busy working 60-80 hours a week at two or three jobs just to survive to even PAY ATTENTION to the festering sore our country has become!

Ask yourselves, who benefits when the vast majority have to tune out to the workings of our government because they are working insane hours for unfair wages just to survive? It’s the powerful elite; the business owners who send our jobs overseas and hide their profits in off-shore accounts; it’s the special interests who are manipulating our government and regulators to increase their profits at the expense of our health, national resources and collective treasure; it’s corrupt elected officials who do big favors for the monied elite and special interests in exchange for “field trips” to luxury beach resorts and big salary job offers when they leave office; it’s the criminal investor class making risky, stupid bets with our pensions and 401k plans at no risk to themselves since they make money no matter how poorly your investments do. They all conspire to keep us week and needy by devaluing our labor, setting prices just beyond our ability to live so we take on more and more work for less and less pay, and then telling us how “American” it is to work yourself to death! ENOUGH!